Have you ever known someone who remained engaged for just a month or so before they married? How about someone who’s been engaged for three years and seems like they’ll be engaged forever. There’s an old musical called Guys and Dolls. In that musical, Frank Sinatra plays a character called Nathan Detroit, and he and his showgirl fiancé celebrate their fourteenth year engaged!
Like your relationship, there’s no one-size-fits-all answer to how long an engagement should be. It all depends on the couple. The average length of an engagement in the United States is reported to be between a year and a year and a half but engagements aren’t part of the public record so the accuracy of that statistic is impossible to determine. Some people have a proposal in the morning and see a judge in the afternoon. Some people remain engaged for years.
When you want to decide how long to be engaged, you’ll want to consider a number of things. I’m a big fan of clearing up the financial situation. Figure out which debts will enter the marriage. It may not be possible to pay off your student loans or a home mortgage, for example, before the marriage but what other debt will come in? Since financial difficulties is cited consistently as one of the primary reasons for divorce (for as long as those statistics have been recorded), getting your finances worked out is a great idea.
Consider any life changes. I mean where you live. Is it time to relocate? Do the two of you have career paths that head different directions? Work that out now, not later. Some say that a shorter engagement can lead to more stress and arguments, while a longer engagement can give you more time to enjoy the process. I think the key is to have a list of what you need to accomplish prior to the marriage. The perfect length of engagement is when that list is finished.
It’s your marriage and your life. You don’t have to do what anyone else does. What you need to do is make sure that you set yourself up for success in this new life of yours.
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